If you can't say something nice… and other life lessons from films
If you can't say something nice… and other life lessons from films
by Jen Davies, nerd
Jan 21, 2026
I realize I’ve learned a lot about living life respectfully and effectively from the movies I watched in my childhood/youth. A lot of these lessons weren’t even from films that turned out to be favourites, but these phrases and the meanings behind them have stuck to me and still affect how I choose to be in the world today. I decided to share them!
If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all (Bambi)
This advice, clearly taught by Thumper’s mother, is guidance I wish would be heeded by folks who feel the need to offer unsolicited opinions on the internet, particularly when those opinions are not informed by lived experience or science. There are few life situations in which being rude is called-for, so it’s often best to keep your opinions to yourself.
I've been in the revenge business for so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with my life (The Princess Bride)
Inigo Montoya may have taken up that career as a pirate after the events of the film, but whatever he did, I hope he was excited about it. It's important to have focus in one’s life and career, but not at the exclusion of everything else because you never know when some part of your worklife will come to an end. Be curious, and cultivate more than one interest.
You expected me to choose “As you wish” from this movie, I bet. That line is a problem, and too much of it when not genuinely felt leads to the ends of marriages, so… not a fan.
Stupid is as stupid does (Forrest Gump)
It is a source of endless amazement to me how people with little knowledge or skill will wade into a conversation or situation with total confidence that their intervention is welcome, and they can deal with it.
The key to this line is in the verb “do” - stupidity isn’t what’s between your ears, it’s in the way you choose to behave.
Members of the Dunning-Kruger club don't know it, so it’s difficult to get them help.
Do, or do not. There is no try. (Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back)
Remember that this line was about Luke Skywalker’s belief as to whether or not he could remove his X-wing from the swamp, or not, because the follow up when Yoda raises the ship was this back and forth: Luke: I don’t believe it! Yoda: That is why you fail.
Funny enough, I have come to understand that Yoda’s advice is incomplete. See above, re Stupid is as stupid does. There are people who will throw themselves into situations for which they are entirely unprepared, with total confidence that they can do it. Yoda’s guidance contains the instated subtext that there is a certain amount of preparation, learning, and training required to “do” effectively. Now, Yoda was pretty confident that Luke had already done the preparation required to raise that X-wing, which is why he was disappointed when Luke couldn’t do it.
Fear is the mind-killer. (Dune)
The Denis Villeneuve films are the best versions so far, but I have a soft spot even for the wild David Lynch version in the 1980s. This is the only book I’ve read about five times (I rarely reread). I’m going to take this idea to the one part of life that I think keeps us from being afraid: the scientific method. By using a strategic process for understanding anything in life, we can take the fear out of it (except for reasonable fears about things that have been demonstrated to be harmful - and that’s the key, demonstrated).
The verifiability of what we think we know is important. And for that reason I am concerned about the erosion of the scientific attitude in North American societies. And I don’t mean knowledge of chemistry or biology, I am referring to teaching the basic premises of how science works: set a hypothesis and try to eliminate all but the variables you want to examine, take an educated guess at what you think you will find, and then do the experiment. And we usually do it again (verify) to make sure that what happened wasn’t a fluke. And then you plan another experiment to figure out more. It’s a constant learning process. I remember learning that in middle school, or maybe Grade 9.
We can see this today online: people of a wide range of ages, cultural and professional backgrounds, and locations are buying into outright lies. People are fooled by the content of hard-to-believe deepfakes. When the contents of these videos are not verifiable with any other piece of evidence, why would we accept them? We saw a lack of scientific thinking during the Covid19 pandemic and the tremendous amounts of mis- and dis-information that were spread about the virus itself, and then about the vaccinations, a lot of which was provided with only flimsy evidence or none at all, and by people who lack the professional background to be making the claims that they made.
I can only assume that the people who tell us lies seem to want us to be afraid of the world, rather than to understand it. I assume at some point they swoop in and promise to tell us “the truth” and they expect we’ll be more likely to accept it because they’ll offer us some story that soothes the fear. That gives them power over us which we did not offer. Don’t put up with that.
You have no power over me. (Labyrinth)
Someone can only have whatever power over us that us choose to give. Now, there are lots of reasons to permit someone to influence your behaviour: queueing politely in a checkout line makes it frictionless, waiting with hand raised at a meeting for your turn to speak makes the other speakers feel heard (and they like you more), and negotiating with spouse about life decisions large and small (where to live, what to eat for dinner) are all examples of occasions where it’s wise to share your autonomy. It makes much of life smoother.
See the Dune discussion above, though. When we use a scientific approach to understanding the world, then other people can’t make us afraid, because we have done the investigation (not just Googling, and definitely not just trusting what our friends posted on Facebook). Look for sets of facts that make sense together, not conspiracy theories.
This blog went to a place I hadn’t expected! But these are lines that affected me a great deal as I was figuring out what kind of person I wanted to be, and maybe it’s no surprise that I’m a social scientist in the end.
#scientificmethod
Comments